When I decided I was going to get my health - specifically my diabetes - under control, I knew that I was going to have to get creative. Why? Because I LOVE pasta. In case you didn't know, pasta is terrible for diabetes.
Everyone has to find the tips and tricks that wok for them, so I was on a mission to try different things. First I tried GF, it didn't cause as much of a spike in my blood sugar, but it wasn't great either. Then, I found edamame spaghetti. It doesn't get mushy like GF pasta, but the texture is still a little off. I still tend to lean more towards the edamame pasta when I want spaghetti with a tomato based sauce. It has a higher protein to carb ratio and tastes really good with sausage and cheese. It isn't cheap, but it isn't as expensive as my next pasta find.
ThinSlim has what they call a "Low Carb" pasta. The pasta is not actually low carb since it has 44 carbs per serving; however, they call it low carb because it has an extremely high fiber count. The idea behind this pasta is that the high fiber counters the carbohydrates, reducing the risk of blood sugar spikes. The taste and texture were good for the elbow macaroni. I used it to make macaroni and cheese (since tomato sauce can cause spikes as well) and I added chicken to increase the protein. The results were quite pleasing. I enjoyed the macaroni without the penalty of a blood sugar spike! Overall, the cost would prevent me from purchasing it frequently, but I would highly recommend having it on-hand for a splurge day - you know, those I'VE JUST GOT TO HAVE CARBS kind of days.
My "cheat" MacNChz Recipe
1/2 cup (1 serving) uncooked ThinSlim elbow pasta cooked
3-4 heaping TBS of Taco Cabana queso
1oz shredded Velveeta
2 TBS pico
3-4 heaping TBS of shredded chicken (recipe coming soon)
Yes, I know how to make a cheese sauce from scratch, but this was my "cheat" method because I had leftover queso (which I absolutely LOVE), leftover shredded chicken, and I wanted to make something easy while using up the leftovers in the fridge. I do plan to work towards losing weight, but right now I am more focused on finding foods that are close to my go-to comfort foods without the blood-sugar spike. As a single mom of a special needs kiddo, I have to find a way to do this without spending my life in the kitchen. :) Enjoy!
P.S. Please share your blood sugar and waist friendly, tasty, and low-carb pasta alternatives in the comments!
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Amber's Journey - Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged
In an age where internet anonymity makes judging others without immediate consequence so simple, I feel the need to caution my fellow Christians. The standards by which we judge others will become the standards by which we are judged, and we need to make sure we are judging correctly.
What do I mean by judging correctly? I mean that there is a distinct difference between using scripture to determine the correctness or the fault in actions and passing judgement on someone solely based on what you have determined to be YOUR truth. There is also a difference between approaching someone directly with concerns and putting your judgement out in the open while inciting and encouraging others to pass judgement as well. I am by no means perfect, and I have made my own mistakes in this. God is definitely bringing to mind some of my own posting errors to mind even as I type.
I recently read another blog, which I LOVED, and the author so accurately states that "God's judgment is perfectly just, my judgment is terribly skewed."
Judging another parent for having a different parenting style or method just because you don't agree with them - such as breastfeeding versus formula - is faulty judgement. How many of us see a child screaming in a store and think "that child needs to be disciplined"? How many of us offer the frazzled mom help, love, or encouragement? We judge others based on our own life experiences and the way we believe others should act; God judges people through an understanding of their heart, their life's experiences, and through love. Remember, David was a man after God's own heart - and he was FAR from perfect.
I am not saying that we can't make judgments to aide us in using discretion or in making decisions. I am cautioning against passing judgement on others only to elevate ourselves as being better. God is the only one who truly knows the hearts of others and He uses His own standards - not yours - to make those judgments. Remember that screaming child? You may have passed judgment on both the child and the parent, but God sees what you don't. He sees a child whose sensitivities to stimulation are higher than that of others: lights, colors, crowds, sounds, touch, etc. A child who has been overstimulated during the entire hour that his mom has spent shopping and can no longer cope with his environment; he is melting down because he is so overwhelmed that it is the only response he has left to give. And the mom, God sees her too. You might see a mom who has checked out and isn't disciplining her child. God sees a mom who knows if she leaves before she makes the purchase, she will only have to go through the entire process again tomorrow - with yet another meltdown. He sees a mom who wants to comfort and soothe her son, but knows that nothing will make it better until they are able to return home. Even now, many of you are passing judgement as you think to yourselves: "she should have left him at home" or "she now has the ability to have the groceries picked up or delivered". The problem, she is a single mom receiving food stamps. Because of her son's health, no one is willing to watch him on a regular basis, and stores don't accept food stamps for pickup or delivery where she lives. My point, God sees what you don't. Even when you think you have all the information, you don't, you can't - you aren't God.
Now, this is not to say that there won't be times when you feel led to bring correction or give guidance to someone. If a person you know, who claims to be a Christian, has done or said something that is in direct opposition to scripture, you can go to them directly with your concerns. Scripture lays out the proper way to bring correction to a fellow believer, just remember that such critiques should be done out of LOVE and NOT out of CONDEMNATION.
Remember, it is more important to be God's LOVE in the lives of others than it is to judge them for mot meeting our personal standards or expectations.
Monday, September 10, 2018
More than Autism - When abuse is real
*Trigger warning: the following blog delves deeply into the topic of family violence.*
There is a well kept secret that people don't like to talk about: family violence. Even more than that, there is a side of family violence that some may not know exists: parent abuse. The Child and Youth Health website states that "Violence towards parents or other family members by young people is more common than many people think". Unfortunately, this is a struggle frequently found in the homes of families with Autistic Bipolar children.
It is a struggle found in my home. When my DS was younger, the outbursts were easier to control. He was small enough that I could restrain him to ensure he didn't hurt himself or others. Restrain - I hate that word. I will never forget the first time I took him for an intake evaluation for play therapy and he had an outburst. I don't even remember what caused it, often the immediate trigger can be simple and innocent in and of itself. I found myself sitting in the middle of their reception area, my son directly in front of me, my legs crossed over his, my hands holding his wrists as I crossed his arms in front of himself into a hug. One of the counselors came out and told me I was doing a great job. I burst into tears.
Fast forward to the present. Last week I had to make a call that no parent wants to make. I had to protect myself and I had to take a stand. The aggression over the last few months had been growing. We moved in with a friend, I had walked away from a toxic relationship, and my DS does not do well with change. He had been in outpatient therapy less than a month before and was discharged. Still, it happened. With tears streaming down my face, I had to have a friend call the police on my 9 year old. I didn't know if they would take him away, I didn't know if if meant that he would be put into an inpatient program, I didn't know what was going to happen. I just knew that something had to be done. He wasn't de-escalating. Instead, he had grabbed me by my hair and punched me in the head multiple times. I had blood on my arm from him gouging me with his nails. While on the phone with the 9-1-1 operator, she asked if I could get somewhere safe all while my son was jumping on my back from behind as his arms clenched around my throat. He fell, and instead of stepping outside to meet the officers, I did what any mom would do, I knelt down to make sure he was okay.
The police came and my DS calmed down just at the sight of them. He talked with them and they talked to him about how violence is not an acceptable response. When he told them he was upset that I didn't let him have a new toy, they reinforced that the decision on that was mine to make. They talked to me about where the closest inpatient program could be found and asked multiple times if I was okay. The experience was horrible and beautiful all at the same time. I never wanted to have to call the police on my son, but it was beautiful in the support and encouragement that they gave us both in the process.
I know that not all police responses to family violence end the way ours did. I know that some might blame the parents - as I am sure some of you might be doing even now. I get it. It's these misconceptions that I believe contribute to parents suffering in silence. When a child has mental health issues, they can be physically aggressive and violent even when the parents are the sweetest and most supportive parents. That, and we often want to protect our children from stigmas. The stigma that because they have mental health issues they are somehow innately bad. I have members of my own family who struggle with this concept, but you cannot discipline mental illness out of a child. Parents don't want you to see the mental health issue, we want you to see the big-hearted child that we know and love.
Part of loving our children means loving ourselves. If you have a child that has aggressive tendencies, make sure you have a plan. Know where that line is and make sure your local police station knows that you have a special needs child BEFORE a time comes that you need their support. For those who have friends and family with any type of special needs child, ask how you can help. We may say "I don't know" and it can be a completely honest response - we tend to be overwhelmed with no clue what we really need help with. More than anything, we need you to know that we treasure your friendship. If we have to cancel plans, it truly isn't personal. I will delve deeper into the "how to help" conversation later, but for now, know that the biggest impact is when you show up for us even when we can't show up for you.
*Due to the nature of this post, I ask that everyone remain respectful and kind when leaving comments. I will monitor, but I would prefer to NOT have to remove or block comments. Be encouraging!
There is a well kept secret that people don't like to talk about: family violence. Even more than that, there is a side of family violence that some may not know exists: parent abuse. The Child and Youth Health website states that "Violence towards parents or other family members by young people is more common than many people think". Unfortunately, this is a struggle frequently found in the homes of families with Autistic Bipolar children.
It is a struggle found in my home. When my DS was younger, the outbursts were easier to control. He was small enough that I could restrain him to ensure he didn't hurt himself or others. Restrain - I hate that word. I will never forget the first time I took him for an intake evaluation for play therapy and he had an outburst. I don't even remember what caused it, often the immediate trigger can be simple and innocent in and of itself. I found myself sitting in the middle of their reception area, my son directly in front of me, my legs crossed over his, my hands holding his wrists as I crossed his arms in front of himself into a hug. One of the counselors came out and told me I was doing a great job. I burst into tears.
Fast forward to the present. Last week I had to make a call that no parent wants to make. I had to protect myself and I had to take a stand. The aggression over the last few months had been growing. We moved in with a friend, I had walked away from a toxic relationship, and my DS does not do well with change. He had been in outpatient therapy less than a month before and was discharged. Still, it happened. With tears streaming down my face, I had to have a friend call the police on my 9 year old. I didn't know if they would take him away, I didn't know if if meant that he would be put into an inpatient program, I didn't know what was going to happen. I just knew that something had to be done. He wasn't de-escalating. Instead, he had grabbed me by my hair and punched me in the head multiple times. I had blood on my arm from him gouging me with his nails. While on the phone with the 9-1-1 operator, she asked if I could get somewhere safe all while my son was jumping on my back from behind as his arms clenched around my throat. He fell, and instead of stepping outside to meet the officers, I did what any mom would do, I knelt down to make sure he was okay.
The police came and my DS calmed down just at the sight of them. He talked with them and they talked to him about how violence is not an acceptable response. When he told them he was upset that I didn't let him have a new toy, they reinforced that the decision on that was mine to make. They talked to me about where the closest inpatient program could be found and asked multiple times if I was okay. The experience was horrible and beautiful all at the same time. I never wanted to have to call the police on my son, but it was beautiful in the support and encouragement that they gave us both in the process.
I know that not all police responses to family violence end the way ours did. I know that some might blame the parents - as I am sure some of you might be doing even now. I get it. It's these misconceptions that I believe contribute to parents suffering in silence. When a child has mental health issues, they can be physically aggressive and violent even when the parents are the sweetest and most supportive parents. That, and we often want to protect our children from stigmas. The stigma that because they have mental health issues they are somehow innately bad. I have members of my own family who struggle with this concept, but you cannot discipline mental illness out of a child. Parents don't want you to see the mental health issue, we want you to see the big-hearted child that we know and love.
Part of loving our children means loving ourselves. If you have a child that has aggressive tendencies, make sure you have a plan. Know where that line is and make sure your local police station knows that you have a special needs child BEFORE a time comes that you need their support. For those who have friends and family with any type of special needs child, ask how you can help. We may say "I don't know" and it can be a completely honest response - we tend to be overwhelmed with no clue what we really need help with. More than anything, we need you to know that we treasure your friendship. If we have to cancel plans, it truly isn't personal. I will delve deeper into the "how to help" conversation later, but for now, know that the biggest impact is when you show up for us even when we can't show up for you.
*Due to the nature of this post, I ask that everyone remain respectful and kind when leaving comments. I will monitor, but I would prefer to NOT have to remove or block comments. Be encouraging!
Health & Diet - Setting Goals
I want to be honest and transparent in each of my posts, but this blog is challenging my level of transparency. I'm not a small woman. In fact, I'm fairly large and have been since my mid to late teens. Losing weight has always been a struggle for me, even when I was active. I don't expect that I will ever be small; I don't have unrealistic expectations. Still, admitting to how much I weigh makes me want to cringe... I think, for now, I will just share what my short term and long term weight loss goals are. My long term goal would likely still have me heavier than most doctors would prefer, but it is a weight that feels reasonable and attainable.
Short term (next 2 months): 30 pounds
Long term (within the next year): 80 pounds
Before anyone starts freaking out about 30 pounds being too much to lose in 2 months, remember that once you find your "sweet spot" combination of diet and exercise, the weight typically comes off faster at the beginning... Though I have found losing weight after 30 to be much more difficult and losing weight after 35 to be nearly impossible - I have faith that God will see me through this as I am predominately making these changes for my health and not for vanity.
Speaking of health, in order for you to know how much of a struggle this journey may be, I must first explain the known health conditions I am battling... I say known because there are areas of my health that I have chosen not to investigate. My best friend says that I am like an ostrich with my head in the sand; I don't agree, but we will wait to delve into that later. This list is long; I am not sharing it for pity but for you to understand what I am up against: diabetes, high blood pressure, PCOS/metabolic issues, RSD/CRPS, arthritis, spinal arthritis, bulging disks in my lower back, compressed/damaged disks in my neck, tendon tears in both elbows and shoulders (compensation injuries from the RSD/CRPS), and a cyst in my left knee. I'm sure there are things that I have unintentionally left off, but this is enough to give you a picture. Currently, the diabetes is my biggest concern.
The first time I witnessed the ability for diabetes to take a life, I was only 19 or 20 years old. I had an elderly co-worker who made no attempt to manage her sugars and it led to her sudden and unexpected death. Now, I am sitting on the sidelines watching as 2 men, whom I love dearly, fight for their lives through dialysis. Both men have end stage renal failure, both men came close to dying before starting dialysis, both men have questioned their will/desire to continue living. I have been through a lot in my life, but this has been one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I refuse to sit back and let this become my fate as well. I do not want my son to watch the light in my eyes fade when I could have done more to prevent it. So, I am doing more.
When starting this journey, my sugars were averaging around 200 for fasting and 250 post meal. A non-diabetic typically has sugars below 100 for fasting and around 120 for post meal. Diabetes is considered controlled when the fasting sugars are under 120 and the post meal are below 140. My starting goal is to get my sugars down to an average of 150 and then will be working from there to get them into the normal "non-diabetic" range. There has been progress as my average for the last 14 days is down to 187.
Short Term Goal (next 2 months) - Avg below 150
Long term goal (next 6 months) - Avg below 120
Dietary changes have been huge in my progress so far, but exercise will also be necessary. I am starting slow. My current goal is to walk 1/2 a mile to a mile each night with my son. He loves going on walks with me and we have the 1/2 mile and the full mile routes mapped out and we have already complete them before. I have been bad about blowing off the walks when I'm hurting and not feeling well. Instead, I want to push to complete at least the 1/2 mile on bad days and the full mile on good days. Eventually, I would like us to walk 2 miles together.
Short term: Walk 1/2 mile to mile 4-5 times a week
Mid term goal: Walk 1-2 miles split into two walks 4-5 times a week
Long term goal: Walk 2+ miles at one time 4-5 times a week
What are your weight loss and health goals? What is the driving force in changing your habits? Share your goals and progress in the comments.
Sunday, September 9, 2018
Amber's Journey - Meet Me, Amber
So, I had big plans for this blog a few years ago... Those plans fell flat, but I am back and ready to try again.
I am a mom first and foremost. Over the last few years, my DS received a diagnosis of Autism followed by an additional diagnosis of Dysregulated Mood Disorder (a precursor diagnosis to Bipolar). The challenges that come with these diagnoses are just that - challenges. I will share some of these with you. Even when I layout the raw emotional journey, know that I would not trade my life for anything. God has a plan for my DS's life, and I would do anything to help nurture him and guide him to become the man God intends for him to become.
The diagnoses led to changes in our lives, including the switch to full-time homeschooling. My DS was struggling socially and emotionally in public school, refusing to attend class while still making A's and B's on his assignments. Lots of prayer went into the decision to homeschool. My parents were in agreement and my ex-husband was in agreement, so I turned in my resignation and left my teaching position as a high school English teacher.
Teaching is my passion. More specifically, teaching upper-level English is my passion. Walking away from teaching public school put a hole in my heart. I loved creating relationships with my students and watching them grow. My DS's struggles were not the only reason I left, my own health issues contributed as well. I truly felt that resigning from my job was what God was leading me to do, but I had to walk in complete faith in the hopes that God would make a way. One of the most amazing new adventures God has set before me has been the opportunity to teach high school English again, this time to homeschool students. I am beyond excited!
Parenting, teaching, health, diet, faith, and anything going on in our lives may become the topic of discussion for blogs. I hope anyone reading will join us for this crazy journey that God has set forth. There may be tears of joy and tears of pain, but there will be camaraderie, there will certainly be raw emotion, and there will be growth.
I am a mom first and foremost. Over the last few years, my DS received a diagnosis of Autism followed by an additional diagnosis of Dysregulated Mood Disorder (a precursor diagnosis to Bipolar). The challenges that come with these diagnoses are just that - challenges. I will share some of these with you. Even when I layout the raw emotional journey, know that I would not trade my life for anything. God has a plan for my DS's life, and I would do anything to help nurture him and guide him to become the man God intends for him to become.
The diagnoses led to changes in our lives, including the switch to full-time homeschooling. My DS was struggling socially and emotionally in public school, refusing to attend class while still making A's and B's on his assignments. Lots of prayer went into the decision to homeschool. My parents were in agreement and my ex-husband was in agreement, so I turned in my resignation and left my teaching position as a high school English teacher.
Teaching is my passion. More specifically, teaching upper-level English is my passion. Walking away from teaching public school put a hole in my heart. I loved creating relationships with my students and watching them grow. My DS's struggles were not the only reason I left, my own health issues contributed as well. I truly felt that resigning from my job was what God was leading me to do, but I had to walk in complete faith in the hopes that God would make a way. One of the most amazing new adventures God has set before me has been the opportunity to teach high school English again, this time to homeschool students. I am beyond excited!
Parenting, teaching, health, diet, faith, and anything going on in our lives may become the topic of discussion for blogs. I hope anyone reading will join us for this crazy journey that God has set forth. There may be tears of joy and tears of pain, but there will be camaraderie, there will certainly be raw emotion, and there will be growth.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Know Who You Are - Value & Worth
I have watched so many of the people around me doubt their value and their worth. This is one of my favorite examples of TRUE value and worth.
A speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?
Hands started going up.
He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.”
He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, “Who still wants it?”
Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?”
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.
Now who still wants it?”
Because we have this UNCONDITIONAL VALUE and WORTH, we should praise Him. Praise Him that we might be broken, but we still have HIM. We might have abused our bodies, but we can still learn to care for our bodies as His temples. We can still Honor Him with our lives, it's never too late to learn that your VALUE and WORTH is UNCONDITIONAL in the eyes of the ONE whose opinion counts. Don't focus on what is in your past, instead, choose daily to show God how grateful you are to be HIS.
A speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?
Hands started going up.
He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.”
He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, “Who still wants it?”
Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?”
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.
Now who still wants it?”
“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. Because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in God’s eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to Him. -Unknown Author
We beat ourselves up, saying that we are too fat, too ugly, too used, too troubled, too meek, too broken, too ANYTHING for us to have Value. We fail to remember that our value and worth is NOT based on the things of this world. God loves us. He doesn't wait for us to be perfect, He loves us when we fail to take care of our bodies, He loves us when we are broken, He loves us when we succeed. There is NOTHING we can do to EARN His love. We have VALUE and WORTH to Him, no matter where we are in our walks. Because we have this UNCONDITIONAL VALUE and WORTH, we should praise Him. Praise Him that we might be broken, but we still have HIM. We might have abused our bodies, but we can still learn to care for our bodies as His temples. We can still Honor Him with our lives, it's never too late to learn that your VALUE and WORTH is UNCONDITIONAL in the eyes of the ONE whose opinion counts. Don't focus on what is in your past, instead, choose daily to show God how grateful you are to be HIS.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Amber's Journey - A piece of my story
Third Day wrote a song that really hits home with me. The words actually felt like they were telling my story.
Well, late one night, she started to cry and thought, "He ain't coming home"
She was tired of the lies, tired of the fight, but she didn't want to see him go
She fell on her knees and said, "I haven't prayed since I was young
But Lord above, I need a miracle."
I prayed so many prayers that sounded almost exactly like that during my marriage. I prayed, but I didn't expect God to actually deliver. God did deliver, a miracle I didn't expect. I was released from my marriage. I'm not going into details at this time, but I had Biblical grounds for divorce long before I was released from my marriage. I am not an advocate of divorce, many people think that divorcees believe in divorce, but that's not necesarily true. I'm an advocate for marriage. I believe God intended for us to live life with a partner. There are times and situations where I think God recognizes that we need to be set free, and sometimes that means from our marriage. I have since learned that praying for a miracle, may not end with the miracle I wanted, or didn't dare expect.
Well no matter who you are and no matter what you've done
There will come a time when you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin', "Lord Above, I need a miracle
I need a miracle."
Remember, you NEVER, have to go the road alone. No matter where you are or what you are going through, God is there. and He knows what you need better than you do.
*I do not own any rights to the song "I Need A Miracle" by Third Day.*
Well, late one night, she started to cry and thought, "He ain't coming home"
She was tired of the lies, tired of the fight, but she didn't want to see him go
She fell on her knees and said, "I haven't prayed since I was young
But Lord above, I need a miracle."
I prayed so many prayers that sounded almost exactly like that during my marriage. I prayed, but I didn't expect God to actually deliver. God did deliver, a miracle I didn't expect. I was released from my marriage. I'm not going into details at this time, but I had Biblical grounds for divorce long before I was released from my marriage. I am not an advocate of divorce, many people think that divorcees believe in divorce, but that's not necesarily true. I'm an advocate for marriage. I believe God intended for us to live life with a partner. There are times and situations where I think God recognizes that we need to be set free, and sometimes that means from our marriage. I have since learned that praying for a miracle, may not end with the miracle I wanted, or didn't dare expect.
Well no matter who you are and no matter what you've done
There will come a time when you can't make it on your own
And in your hour of desperation
Know you're not the only one
Prayin', "Lord Above, I need a miracle
I need a miracle."
Remember, you NEVER, have to go the road alone. No matter where you are or what you are going through, God is there. and He knows what you need better than you do.
*I do not own any rights to the song "I Need A Miracle" by Third Day.*
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